Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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