He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
