went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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