then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
