If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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