I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
