it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
