no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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