He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
