I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
