I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
