Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
