We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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