apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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