did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
