The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
