I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
