I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
