i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
