The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
