He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
