why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
