he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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