She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
