Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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