I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
