we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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