His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
