im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
