this boner is exhausting
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
