I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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