just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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