I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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