You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
