fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
