Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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