That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Say something about gay babies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
