swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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