Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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