I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
