Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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