dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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