Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
