i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
