If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
