Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
