remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
