My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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