OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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