I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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