dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
