Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
