oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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