38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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