who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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