areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She just used a chaser for red wine.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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