i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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