I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
