im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
