I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
