I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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