Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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