Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
