i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
