She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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