My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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