How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
