pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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